Rules of Engagement

SHOW A LITTLE GRATITUDE!

It’s better than feeling miserable.

March / April 2009 by E. L. Kersten

Our customers frequently send us comments describing how they feel about their jobs. I guess they figure that even if nobody else understands their plight, we will. A few examples: “I am an intelligent, excellent employee who has had the life sucked out of me by a large corporation.” “I have a bunch of lazy, unproductive employees who think the world and I owe them a living, and I’m sick of it.”

Over the years, I’ve collected hundreds of similar comments from people in just about every situation imaginable. Similar sentiments can be found on the blogs and message boards where employees post what it’s like to work at their companies. All of these comments are consistent with the myriad surveys reporting that most workers are largely unhappy, frustrated, and demoralized at work—and that at any given time, over 60 percent of them are looking for another job.

Is work life really that bad? In some cases it clearly is, but I question whether it is for the majority of those who feel unhappy. In conducting studies and surveys, I have seen workplaces that were objectively quite pleasant but where the employees were miserable nonetheless. For the most part, these were growing companies in exciting industries, with plenty of opportunity for people to advance their careers. Sure, the hours were often long, and at certain times work was stressful, but the wages and benefits were usually competitive—if not generously so—and leadership made various statements indicating that they were interested in their workers’ needs.

Nevertheless, when asked what it was like to work in any of these companies, employees offered a list of grievances detailing how bad it was. It was not uncommon for them to discuss how stupid the senior leadership or other employees were, or about various “screwed up” IT systems. Several employees talked about how much they couldn’t wait to move on to a new company.

Now, I’m sure there were many things in those companies that could have—and maybe should have—been improved, but I would argue that a challenging job in a growing company that pays a competitive wage and provides opportunity to advance one’s career should not be counted as a source of misery. These companies had many good things going for them, but the employees didn’t appreciate them. Instead, they discounted the benefits and focused almost exclusively on their firms’ weaknesses.
In short, they lacked gratitude.

Gratitude has received little serious attention in the literature on job attitudes. This may be because most people see it as a spontaneous emotional response to an external event. But University of California psychologist Robert Emmons makes a compelling argument that gratitude is better thought of as a discipline or a skill, more akin to goal-setting or time management, rather than simply another dimension of job satisfaction. It’s something that you choose to do, and, for most people, it requires practice—that is, consciously making an effort to be more grateful. It involves a reexamination of the benefits that you have experienced and simply learned to take for granted.

Of course, it’s easy to allow the expected value of what you want to overshadow the value of what you currently have. As a result, some people never really enjoy much of anything. But work is a major component of your life, and it’s best to get as much out of it as you can. Your situation may not be ideal, but there’s no benefit to being miserable. Some might think that their work is so bad that there is nothing for which they can be grateful, but that’s unlikely. Even those who are experiencing major life traumas, such as losing one’s home to bankruptcy, being diagnosed with neuromuscular disorder, or getting a divorce, are able to experience greater satisfaction in life when they make an effort to evaluate other things for which to feel grateful.

It’s important to note that practicing gratitude doesn’t mean pretending that everything in life is going well when it isn’t. It doesn’t eliminate negative emotional responses to negative events. If you are passed up for a promotion, you’re still right to feel disappointed. The difference is that being grateful for the things that are going well provides a context that helps stabilize negative emotions. Too often, such emotions have compounding effects that intensify and lead to maladaptive responses. For example, an HR director told me how an employee at his company couldn’t cope with a situation at work because he had emotionally tied himself up in knots. He believed the head of his department had singled him out for unfair treatment, so he quit his job. During his exit interview, he expressed a great deal of bitterness and resentment that had been compounding for months. He also explained that it was clear to him that the head of his department was out to get him and provided details of how various decisions over the previous months had been designed to frustrate him to the point that he would be motivated to quit.

The worker’s account of the unfair treatment was quite elaborate. But it was a fiction created in his mind. In truth, the head of the department thought he had potential and repeatedly encouraged him to shore up some of his weak areas so that he could advance. Prejudiced by his bitterness, the employee perceived such comments as nothing more than tactics to get him to work harder. Had the employee been grateful for the opportunity in which he found himself, as well as his boss’s willingness to go out of his way to encourage him, he would have had a chance to grow with a great company.

When business leaders feel gratitude, they should also let their employees know. How much workplace angst would disappear if managers did a better job at expressing gratitude, particularly when they are grateful for their subordinates’ work? I can’t say for certain, but one of employees’ chief complaints is that they feel unappreciated.

Leaders and managers also have the opportunity to teach their employees gratitude. Often, this is simply a matter of helping them identify the things for which they should be grateful. For example, I knew a young man who had gotten so burned out at work that he made an appointment with his manager and said he thought he needed to quit. His boss acknowledged how difficult the job was and then reminded him how lucky he was to be in an industry that was challenging and dynamic. He reminded him of the dead-end jobs he’d had in the past, his potential with the company, and his generous compensation package. In short, the manager taught the young man to be mindful of the things for which he should have been grateful. It worked: The worker stuck around for several more years and was eventually promoted.

Given the widespread belief that work is a source of drudgery, the idea that we should be grateful may seem absurd. But for those who are tired of being miserable, gratitude is the quickest, most reliable path to workplace satisfaction.

 

E. L. KERSTEN E. L. Kersten is co-founder and COO of Despair Inc. and author of The Art of Demotivation: A Visionary Guide for Transforming Your Company’s Least Valuable Asset—Your Employees.